I would like to welcome Derek Kay to Dating Advice Cafe. He’s another guy like myself who simply wants to help men out there become better with women. Here is a special guest posting with some great stuff! Enjoy the read.

Hello everyone at the Dating Advice Cafe! Today we’re going to talk about something really important: Being an alpha male.

For those unfamiliar with the concept of alpha versus beta behavior you can picture a pack of wolves. We know that there are always one or two males who make pack decisions, eat more food, and get more females. These are the alpha males.

The rest of the wolves? Those are the beta males who follow the alphas and take their leftovers. Who wants that?

Here are some of the traits of an alpha male:

They generally talk more, and louder
They lead the group
Alpha males are more outgoing
They have a more relaxed body language
They are “cooler,” and there is a draw to talk with them.
Alpha males seem more open, more relaxed, and less affected
They are never needy
These are all good things. They make you inherently more attractive not only to girls, but to everyone around you. As if this isn’t enough proof as to the merits of being an alpha male, recall from Dre’s last post.

“they fight over something stupid she takes off in her car leaving him there by himself… It took him 2 days to get back…He came crawling back to her to say, “Sorry.”

I can’t think of more beta behavior. Clearly this is not who we want to be as men.

So how do we go about turning ourselves from being quiet, timid and shy (beta) into the more outgoing, less needy alpha?

It’s not something you can just do all at once, but something that needs to be patterned. Like any change, it takes time.

Start small. The next time you’re out with friends and you realize that you haven’t said anything for awhile, speak up. If you find you have your arms crossed making yourself look closed off and bothered, uncross them. If you find yourself being needy around a girl, recognize what you are doing and stop it.

Think of yourself as the lead wolf or lion and you’ll soon find yourself being that person. Or, if it helps, you can picture yourself as James Bond.

Bond is a great character because he fits our very idea of what an alpha male is. He’s cool, calm, unaffected, and takes charge. He has an air of mystery about him and is never needy. He does what he wants.

And, of course, he gets the girl.

I’ve heard a lot of guys tell me, “I wish I could be like Bond, but it’s just not who I am. I can’t change who I am.”

This idea is often supported by those around us. We’re told all the time that “You can’t help who you are.” While this sentiment is surely romantic, it is completely wrong.

The truth is that you can change who you are – you just have to want to. If you want more girls, more friends, and a better life, stop being a beta nice guy and start being alpha.

If you’re unconvinced that you can make this change (and I know you can), I’ll leave you with a quote from a man who turned the world upside down:

“If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”
-Henry Ford

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